I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
