I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
