I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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