Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
