my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
