he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
either way he was missing a nipple.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
