i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
