Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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