I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
