Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
