don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
