thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
