Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
