For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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