my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
