I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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