I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize