Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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