i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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