just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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