So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
