I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
