i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
