Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i think my cat just said my name.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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