After last night, I could never be a politician.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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