if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
