i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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