You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
