It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize