hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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