You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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