His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
