I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
