Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize