I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize