Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There r osticjed everywhere
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
