why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
