Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Vodka?
Forever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
