It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize