she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
