Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So vagazzling was a success
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
