what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Ketchup is God's man juice
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
