After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
