What a fucking waste of an outfit
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
