i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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