I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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