Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
