Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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