I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
