she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
