You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
