just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
