Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize