I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize