Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
