I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
