If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
