If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
