wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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