Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize