Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
