Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
