Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We were destined to go to rehab together
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
