we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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