The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
