the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Vodka?
Forever.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
