I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
