I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
