I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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