I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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