I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
