So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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