guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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