I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
foreskin is a definite game changer
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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